A Mindfulness Recipe for Happiness

Happiness is defined as “the state of being Happy.” The word Happy is defined as “enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment.” And I find this definition even more fitting: “Happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. While happiness has many different definitions, it is often described as involving positive emotions and life satisfaction.” Credit VeryWellMind

So, how many people do you know that are happy? Anyone? How ’bout yourself? I have found that most people are unhappy and sorta stay that way. There are many things that can knock us off kilter–a death, unemployment, poverty, debt, illness, loss of a relationship, etc. But in my travels, I have met few people who are happy.

A 2018 article sites depression rates rising and this was pre-pandemic! “From 2005-15, cases of depressive illness increased by nearly a fifth. People born after 1945 are 10 times more likely to have depression. This reflects both population growth and a proportional increase in the rate of depression among the most at-risk age…a key reason for the continuing rise in depressive illness is that drugs do not necessarily “cure” the patient, and other therapies that can make the crucial difference are usually not in sufficient supply...”

My Unhappy Life…

Throughout my Life I have had some serious bouts of depression. By my late twenties it had begun to set in and by my thirtieth birthday I had a nervous breakdown. I saw no good anywhere and viewed everything through the lens of shades of grey. My Life was seemingly spinning out of control, and I felt powerless. Eventually I wanted out, I wanted off planet Earth. And I almost followed through with that desire.

What made me change my mind? I can’t specifically pinpoint the moment but I do recollect that in my misty awareness the notion that my best friend as well as my ‘brother’ would be frantically looking for me. So I went straight ahead instead of turning right and walking into the ocean that cold morning,

As time went on, I began to come out of that dark place but whenever something didn’t go the way I wanted, or I was devastated by the drama in a relationship, BACK into depression I would go. I definitely was not Happy. About anything. Not even when there were Mighty Highs happening like getting on Broadway! I was always in a state of worry.

Life transitions were a reason to wrap myself in the blankets of depression too, the fear of change often felt unbearable and I would cry for days on end, gorging on sweets then curling up into a fetal position. Complaining constantly that things were not what I wanted them to be and fearful they would never get there.

Or fearful that they did get where I wanted them to be but that they wouldn’t stay there for long.

So What Changed?

Very simply, I did. I got tired of being scared all the time, tired of feeling anxious and miserable for most of my day, my week, my year. I learned that if I could jusssssst shift the amount of time I spent wading in the streams of despair and wallowing in my feelings I could possibly have a different Flow to my day.

I learned that what happens to me is not WHO I AM. They are just Experiences. Tools in which to learn from. They are a part of my story but are NOT my story. When I was struggling to get my Balance, I would lament to my friends but they could always see what I could not, that I always landed on my feet no matter what was going on. So why couldn’t I see it?

Was it because I got wrapped up in living a sob story? Was it because ‘Whoa Is Me’ was a place I identified with as opposed to seeing The Light That I AM?

In the beginning it was wayyyyy HARD to shift my focus. I had programmed my mind to only see the ‘bad’ stuff based on criteria that wasn’t even relevant–who says you have to have all your ducks in a row when you hit thirty and why had I based my idea of success on that? Who says to be successful in a career you have to do X, Y, and Z and if that’s not happening you aren’t having any success?

Who says you gotta have this this and that in Life and if you don’t you’re a loser? Who said that and why was I listening??? Who the hell was WHO anyway?! Those ideas had NOTHING to do with MY Life, with MY path. When I began to challenge and change the narrative and Perspective I had bought into, that is when my Happiness Quotient began to rise.

What Is Happiness To And For YOU?

I started to ask myself that more, ‘Bird, what does my Happiness look like? What does my Happiness feel like? How do I populate my days more with it? I began to realize that I was Happy. I had lived my Life the way I wanted to, gotten to do and Experience some INCREDIBLE things and really have lived a Charmed Life. Even when things were falling apart, I lived a Charmed Life.

I was unable to see it previously because I so busy looking at what wasn’t working that I was oblivious to what WAS working. I was using a different yardstick to measure my Life and got so wrapped up in that narrative that I was blind to the multitude of Blessings I was in Receivership of.

The focus was on what hadn’t Manifested in the way or as fast I wanted. So I was not an active participant in the groovy stuff, there was always ‘I’d be Happy if this that and the other happened.’

Gratitude and Appreciation were not in my mind’s orbit. AT ALL.

Ask Yourself The DEEP Question…

What comprises a Happy Life for YOU? Not a text book or fairy tale version of Happiness, but what can you do to enjoy more Happiness in your Life as it stands right now? Remember this definition noted earlier, “Happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment.”

We get caught up in having stuff (or the absence of having stuff) thinking that will make us Happy. Criteria based on things like money, cars, houses, a “successful” career, having a multitude of followers and likes on social media, having our bodies look a certain way, having a family (if that’s on your list) and a romantic partner or partners. We use the presence or absence of this checklist to determine our Happiness or absence of it.

And even if we do get all that shit we still may find ourselves feeling empty. Happy momentarily but then it fades because Happiness is a mental thang. An internal thang not dependent upon things.

So if you don’t have any of the physical wants at the moment, can you be Happy right now? If not, why not? What’s stopping you?

A Mindfulness Recipe

If you want to cultivate more Happiness in your Life. Here’s some Mindfulness suggestions for your recipe:

1. Become Kinder to Yourself. Self torture and criticism ain’t yo’ friend. Have more Patience, Love and Care for and to yourself. You are in Process and a work in Progress. Evolution doesn’t happen in a day

2. Laugh more. About anything. The more stupid the better!

3. Don’t take yourself so doggone seriously. Lighten up

4. Look for the best of things

5. Expect the best for yourself. You deserve it. Really, you do

6. Say NO dammit when you mean it!

7. You are not all things to everybody. STOP TRYING. Be all things to YOU

8. Don’t expect another Human Being to be the custodian of YOUR Happiness. YOU are responsible for your Happiness, not them

9. Do more of the things you Love to do. Why? Because You Love them

10. Be in nature more

11. Begin, revisit and/or deepen your meditation practice. Breathe more baby, BREATHE

12. Work on your Perspective. If your thoughts don’t bring you Joy, examine them, toss out what doesn’t work which brings me to…

13. LET GO OF WHAT DOES NOT SERVE YOU. Thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, people, stuff–release yourself from them

14. Look at your thoughts! Do you spend more time complaining or enjoying during your day?

15. This is a biggie–if you are involved in something or there are things that you do not like either Change It, Leave It, or Accept It. Anything else is madness–Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

16. Upscale your Perspective–are you a glass half-empty or a glass half-full kinda person? Even if you are a glass half full person, see if you can add more water to that glass, there’s room!

17. Learn something new and accept that you are learning, don’t heap criticism on your progress unless it’s encouraging

18. Perspective is EHV-VER-RY-THING (even though I basically said this, I can’t stress it enough!)

19. Understand that Happiness is your Birthright and CLAIM IT

20. Don’t sweat the small stuff! It really ain’t that deep

21. Get out of your Comfort Zone

22. Realize that Being Happy more throughout your day adds to you becoming a Happy Person

23. Tap more into the Child within, add more silly and freeness to your Life!

24. Go with The Flow more. If stuff doesn’t go the way you planned, it’s not the end of the world, make a new plan

25. Make sure you have not fallen in Love with being miserable. Don’t make an identity out of it

26. Limit your intake of bad news. Bad news brings you down real fast. Look at, read and listen to more things that Uplift

27. **Another biggie–Start a Gratitude Journal. The more you get in the vibe of looking for things to be Grateful for on da the regular, the more Grateful you will become**

28. Pay more attention to Happy People, what do they talk about? What makes them tick? If you don’t know any Happy people, Become the first one you know!

Perspective Truly Brightens The Landscape

When you are more Aware of your Perspective about things, you become more in control of where to direct your mind. When I began to pay attention to the moments when I was Happy, I was able to string more Happy Moments together because of where my head was at, I knew what to look for. Does that mean you will be Happy all the time? Uh, no. But you will become more astute to when you are unhappy about something as opposed to allowing it to make you unhappy about your Life.

I found that when I fell into depression I allowed what I was unhappy about to engulf my entire Being. Unhappy thoughts spin into more unhappy thoughts, growing like weeds.

But the good news is that Happy Thoughts work in that same way.

So. Where are you sitting? More in Happiness or unhappiness? If you find yourself unhappy more of your time than not, what can you change that is within your Power? Remember this equation: is it something I can Change? Something I can Leave or is it something that’s better to Accept?

My Serenity Sunday Guided Meditation with Sound Healing Can Help

Serenity Sunday is my monthly virtual guided meditation offering. It is monthly and a great way to ground, center, refuel and refresh. It is with sound healing and is sooooooooo soothing! Only 30 minutes of your time. One is coming up, be sure to book your spot through my Wellness Events page.

“Jacquie is so amazing at what she does. Woke up the day after my guided meditation with her, feeling so happy, refreshed and clear minded, despite not feeling that way at all before our session. It was such a beautiful release my body and mind needed. Thank you Jacquie” –Sarah Burns

“Serenity Sunday is powerful reassurance that you’re on the right path. Jacquie is as intuitive as she is talented! Gratitude is infinite.” –Zan Bey