Self-Torture, Punishment & Our Critical Voices

 

Nothing like having a 2-year old style meltdown to bring you back to yourself. WOOOOOO-LAWD! Oh how we torture, punish and torment ourselves with our Critical Voices! If the meltdown was a scene from a play it would sound something like this…

Raging Judging Voice: Nothing is going right, everything I’m doing is coming to nothing!

Inner Voice: (really? by who’s standards?)

Raging Judging Voice: All my effort, NOTHING! Other people are gettin’ their shit off, what’s wrong with me, why can’t I get my shit off????

Inner Voice: (there is nothing wrong with you, there is only everything right, there is only everything in it’s own time, Trust, have FAITH, be Patient, it will Manifest)

Whoa Is Me Voice: (ignores Inner Voice, whines) why doesn’t anybody like what i’m doing? why am i invisible? why can’t i be seen? wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SOB!

Inner Voice: (where are you looking? inward or outward?)

[Stage directions: Enter SL (stage left)  The Fear Chorus Voices known as Misery, Guilt, Shame, Blame, Dissatisfaction. They follow behind their leader, Worry]

The Fear Chorus Voices: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK WHAT IF IT GOES WRONG WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF

Raging Judging Voice: I shouldn’t be going through this now!

Inner Voice: (oh but you are)

The Fear Chorus Voices: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK WHAT IF IT  GOES MORE WRONG WHAT IF WHAT IF!

VOICE OF THE VERDICT MAKER: And the Punishment is? THAT YOU’LL FEEL LIKE CRAP FOR MOMENTS/DAYS/MONTHS/WEEKS/YEARS/DECADES WE CAN KEEP THIS GOIN’

The Fear Chorus Voices: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK WHAT IF IT GOES MORE WRONG WHAT IF WHAT IF!

Whoa Is Me Voice: this shouldn’t be happening!

My Your Spirit Guides: (oh but it iz Blanche, it izzzzzz)

 

Dang. I let my Critical Voices (the CVs) get the best of me. I should know better, I do know better…

 

Knowing Better Doesn’t Mean The Meanies Don’t Getcha Sometimes

 

The CV that yells “you should know better!” just adds another hostile voice to the torture and punishment–we beat ourselves up because ‘we know better’  like that overrules and negates what we’re feeling in any given moment. What is the more compassionate choice here?  To honor what we’re feeling or to try to browbeat them into submission? Honoring where and what we are in every moment is definitely the most compassionate choice. 

For me, allowing that realization to filter through sounded like ‘yo mama! Stop pos-si-ti-vi-ting the heck outta this and go cry dammit, YOU ARE having a meltdown. Now go get in the bed and have it!’ So I did precisely that. And WHOOOOOAAAAAA did I feel better! Almost instantly.

 

The Critical Voices. Ok, So We Have Them. Can We Conquer Them?

 

Do you really ‘conquer’ your Critical Voices? Welp, I don’t think so. But what I do know is that you can’t allow them to conquer YOU. They may slap you upside the head from time to time echoing a parent, sibling or other family members. The CVs could also be the school bully, a teacher, a boss, colleague and/or co-worker. But know that those voices aren’t who YOU are. They are not You. They are thoughts and beliefs you have listened to and been tormented by stomping through your mental space of which YOU are the landlord. 

And of course you know what happens when a landlord wants you out right? He EVICTS YOU! Those buggers ain’t payin’ rent! They’re just squatters in your mental space! So when they come to squat you have to call on the Marshal to move them out.

When they show up and temporarily obliterate all we know about Wellness and Well-Being, we can either look at it like we’re failures or remember that we failed to remember that we are Evolving Souls, walkin’ this Earth to learn, to grow and expand, to Experience. To LOVE. And then back to that other ‘L’ word, to LEARN. What did you learn from the cause and reason for your meltdown? What is eating at you? What can you learn? What solutions can you Allow yourself to see?

So in other words, some Loving-kindness is in order. Loving-kindness is tenderness and consideration [toward others]. But we must shine that essence upon ourselves first. The way we want to be held, Loved and Comforted, mannnnnn we’ve gotta be able to do that for OURSELVES.

My partner held me lovingly and rubbed my head, but it wasn’t until I crawled into bed and did what was needed did I begin to feel better. What was needed? A RELEASE. I had a good cry while holding my green garnet and quartz gemstones, taking deep breaths of peppermint oil to soothe me. I acknowledged that I had been living with Fear and it was having its way with me.

It was time to let that shit go, it was exhausting. Done, had it. ENOUGH.

One of the most important things was to feel good and that couldn’t happen as long as I was feeling shitty. It was time to pivot and shift thought gears.

 

Don’t Let The CVs Dim Your Shine

 

Putting on a good face to yourself only prolongs the bad feelings.

So your CVs get the best of you sometimes, it doesn’t make you a bad or flawed person.

It doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Even if you’re in the business of dispensing advice and raising others up,

YOU ARE entitled to feel as you feel in any given moment.

 

If you feel bad, OWN it.

If you feel bad FEEL it. 

If you feel bad, DON’T deny it.

BUT.

Don’t stay there. Don’t let the CVs dim your Shine

Acknowledge the CVs but don’t just sit and listen to them scream at you.

Don’t let those buggers continue to beat yo’ ass!

 

Find Something To Be Grateful For. Repeat.

 

Identifying and acknowledging the things we are Grateful for shifts the focus like WHAM-O! But it’s not a permanent fix, it must be repeated until it is part of Your Flow. A Gratitude Practice is so beautiful and it is an acknowledgement that you Appreciate what has come your way and that you are eager for more. To quote myself from a previous post, ‘negative self-talk is NOT your BFF.’

Impatience and Fear. Fear and Impatience. Worry. Guilt. Those mo-fo’s ul mess you up. BAD. We are Light expressing as Human Beings, but everything we are taught, most of what’s blasted in social media, heck in society tells us everything BUT.

So we forget. It is time to REMEMBER.

And every time we remember, we Awaken.

To support your Awakening, here’s a Mindfulness Awakening Challenge 

 

 

BECOME the Peace You wish to see.