How To Develop Self-Esteem

How to develop self-esteem when you have none or very little? We do know that developing a self-esteem mindset is PRICELESS in value. Worth more than real estate, gold, platinum, money, stocks, bonds and cryptocurrency. But make no mistake, becoming comfortable in your own skin and owning who you are is a process! And quite challenging particularly if you scroll through social media often. We are bombarded with the “perfect” images and though many are altered, we kinda overlook this. ‘I wanna look like that’ ‘I wish I had those legs/abs/hair/nose/butt’ and so on.

We are also dealing with the challenges of negative messaging as children, disparaging remarks made by adults and other children can definitely pop the air out of a balloon and those hurtful words can stay with us our entire lives.

And with those thoughts, it’s no wonder many of us are anxious, stressed and depressed! But it doesn’t have to be, when you recognize that you are struggling with self-esteem issues you can change those thoughts. Realizing that those thoughts are not-who-we-are but someone’s crappy opinion is the first step to change and a major one at that. But remember, it is a process.

It takes time to unlearn a habit to replace it with new programming so one must be patient and diligent. And kind and loving toward self…which is a Journey unto itself!

What is Your ‘Internal Talk?’

On the road to developing self-esteem is recognizing and thus discarding negative beliefs that we have taken to be truth. Ask yourself, what do you tell yourself on a regular basis? Especially when you look in the mirror. What is your ‘Internal Talk?’ Do you know or notice? See if you can catch any kind of judgment, criticism or admonishment you hurl at yourself. Pay attention.

I know someone who is always apologizing. ALWAYS. Now that might not seem like a self-esteem issue but it is. Most of what she apologizes to me about is not necessary in the least I feel. But always apologizing says that you are wrong. Constantly. So if this is something you do, throw some light on it. Why are you apologizing? Were you responsible for a particular thing going wrong? No? Then why apologize??

As to my friend, no matter how many times I tell her there’s no need for apology she apologizes for apologizing! Being considerate is one thing but walking on egg shells in the event you might offend someone is another story and extremely stressful! Being true to self may piss somebody off. Oops! Oh well. They’ll either get over it…or they won’t. But that says more about them than about you.

If that’s the case, so be it. Are you a please-them-person, taking responsibility for someone else’s happiness and comfort?

KNOW YOUR WORTH. And if you have low or no self-esteem and absolutely no idea, this is a great time to begin to learn it. As you begin to learn your worth your self-esteem will RISE. How do you learn your worth? MAKE A DECISION THAT YOU ARE WORTHY AND WORTH SOMETHING. You have to decide, you get to decide. No one else.

So You Are Beginning to Recognize What You Feed Yourself Mentally…Now What?

Once the light bulbs and alarms have gone off and you realize, ‘I do do myself in, and the things I say to and about myself are not so nice. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to say those things to me!’ Congratulations, as I said this is the first step. Step #2 is to ask yourself why you believe a particular thing. When you catch yourself ‘down talking’ do a bit of probing.

If you tell yourself, ‘I hate my nose because it’s so big’ ask, ‘says who? Why do I believe my nose is big?’ Was it because I was teased in school or a family member said something derogatory? Or the industry I’m in holds a particular ideal about nose shapes and sizes? When did you get the memo that your nose was too big and who handed you said memo? Why have you agreed with them?

Does the air go in and out of your nose properly? Does it do what it’s on your face for? Does it serve a purpose? So why do you view it in such a negative way? Do you think you hated your nose as a baby? Do you think other babies hated your nose?

When you have an understanding of The Why, moving away from those self-inflating lines of thinking may be easier. Once you’ve located the source of said judgment, the next step is to flip the script. Change the Narrative. I have found mantras and affirmations to be a huge help in this regard. Some scoff at affirmations, saying it’s brainwashing. Well…any negative thoughts we carry about ourselves is from brainwashing in and of itself.

Do you think you observed yourself in the negative when you were an infant? Do you think you yelled at yourself when you worked your pampers over wid da funk?Oh shit, when will I stop pooping in my drawers?? Why can’t I get that together??? I’m so stupid! I bet no other 6 month old is wallowing in their own mess! damndamndamnDAMN!’ And damn my genetics, my nose is too big!

How to develop self-esteem is beginning to think for yourself…to stop holding the opinions of others over your unique self and to become your own cheerleader.

As I Was Saying–Affirmations and Mantras Are Helpful

When you tell yourself an untruth with a negative judgment like ‘I can’t do that’ flip the script to ‘I AM Capable.’ ‘I can do XYZ’ ‘I have the tools and gifts to do XY and Z. And if your mind is still balking at that notion, why do you think you can’t? What are you afraid of? And why?

In the beginning, affirmations and mantras may feel like lip service, that you’re feeding yourself lies but ask yourself, would you like to be able to do XYZ? If you truly applied yourself, you could do it couldn’t you? But your fear is blocking you. Step around that fear on FAITH. ‘I have FAITH that I can do this project’ or whatever it is in front of you.

I have a great guide that can help you in this regard that’s called 28 Thoughts & Mantras 4 Mindfulness-Keys 4 Stress Relief & Personal Growth

Remember that any negative self-talk that you’ve fed yourself and eaten over a period of time is something you’ve agreed with yourself to be true. With affirmations and mantras, you are making a NEW set of agreements with YOU. Ones that are empowering, uplifting and that put you in a new light. A TRUER Light. One without the debilitating thoughts of unworthiness much more often.

And when those thoughts arise ’cause they will, you can tell ’em to bug off. You are rewiring your mind with a new paradigm.

And if you really wanna do it up, create a short song to sing when you’re flippin’ that script like in the video below! Make it fun. Self-improvement does not have to be a grind but a Journey into self to GROW, to EVOLVE MINDFULLY.

A Mindfulness Practice makes you more aware of what your thoughts are, what you’re thinking, and how to make better ‘Thought Choices.’ You recognize the Negative Self-Talk more often and learn to pivot away from that line of thinking. To get to the bottom of things you have to listen closer and become more Present and Aware.

Read, Listen to And Surround Yourself With More Uplifting Energy

Reading, listening to and connecting with more Uplifting Energy is so very empowering. The more you immerse yourself in Being the Energy you want around you, the more you will draw it as you reflect it. Engaging in mindfulness workshops and taking guided meditation can help to shift your mindset. As you get more into the groove of Mindfulness, the more empowered you will feel as you have taken more responsibility for your Well-Being.

A Mindfulness Practice gives you tools like redirect and pivot to send your thoughts in the direction of what is more productive and peaceful for your Life. It will develop your self-esteem and confidence exponentially.

Having objects in your work and/or living space to remind you to be kind to self is a beautiful thang too.